... You're making this far too easy on me, you know. [Joshua gives a bitter smile as he looks down towards the ground, brushing some hair out of his eyes. The smile fades, though, as he processes everything that she had to say.
Thinking of Riku's two closest friends made him turn his thoughts over to Neku and Shiki... Which was quite a fresh wound, one that still ached and made his chest heavy and his stomach twist into knots. He'd been trying so damn hard to keep the pain of their sudden departure from Hinoto-Ri behind a thick mental blockade, because he knew if he let it get to him, he would do something stupid again. He would relapse, and something in him would snap again. Maybe he would shut himself away in his room for weeks on end again, barely bothering to eat or drink. Maybe he would lash out and hurt everyone he knew, and even several people he didn't, again, in an attempt to isolate himself. Whatever the case, he could already feel himself beginning to slip into old habits, no matter how much he didn't want to.]
... I know you want to help me, but believe me when I say that you'll just be wasting your time. Other people have been trying to fix me for over a year and a half, and I have this bad habit of destroying literally months of progress in the course of maybe half an hour. The fact that I'm still hurting others as a defense mechanism, something I thought I'd moved past almost a year ago, is a testament to that.
action;
... You're making this far too easy on me, you know. [Joshua gives a bitter smile as he looks down towards the ground, brushing some hair out of his eyes. The smile fades, though, as he processes everything that she had to say.
When Naminé mentioned Riku, and Riku's relationship with Sora and Kairi, Joshua's mind had wandered back to the silver haired teen he knew from almost the beginning of his stay at Alpha Omega. He'd hurt Riku rather badly, he remembers, and the two hadn't gotten along for quite a while. But at the same time he did find far too many similarities between the two of them when it came to darker thoughts and ambitions. Naminé comparing the two of them only made their similarities even more apparent.
Thinking of Riku's two closest friends made him turn his thoughts over to Neku and Shiki... Which was quite a fresh wound, one that still ached and made his chest heavy and his stomach twist into knots. He'd been trying so damn hard to keep the pain of their sudden departure from Hinoto-Ri behind a thick mental blockade, because he knew if he let it get to him, he would do something stupid again. He would relapse, and something in him would snap again. Maybe he would shut himself away in his room for weeks on end again, barely bothering to eat or drink. Maybe he would lash out and hurt everyone he knew, and even several people he didn't, again, in an attempt to isolate himself. Whatever the case, he could already feel himself beginning to slip into old habits, no matter how much he didn't want to.]
... I know you want to help me, but believe me when I say that you'll just be wasting your time. Other people have been trying to fix me for over a year and a half, and I have this bad habit of destroying literally months of progress in the course of maybe half an hour. The fact that I'm still hurting others as a defense mechanism, something I thought I'd moved past almost a year ago, is a testament to that.
It isn't worth the grief. Just ask Neku.